Journal #6 Anne Bradstreet: A Conflicted Mind

QUOTE:

“Many times hath Satan troubled me concerning the verity of the Scriptures, many times by atheism how I could know whether there was a God; I never saw any miracles” (Bradstreet 216).


SUMMARY:

Bradstreet writes this letter that she wants to be read by her children when she is either on her deathbed or has already passed. It is many of her thoughts from her whole life written down so her children may understand her better.


RESPONSE:

I find the struggle Bradstreet goes through very interesting because I feel like I go through this same struggle often. She is troubled by her atheist thoughts because believing in God is so much easier. How else can she explain her recovery from sickness? How else can she explain anything? She also can believe that once she does perish, she will not suffer from the “Powers of Hell” since she has “committed to His charge” (Bradstreet 217). However, this “sorting out” of her conflicted thoughts may also just be for the sake of her children; so they don’t have to suffer from simultaneous clashing beliefs.

I went to church and Sunday school for my whole childhood, but as I got older and started to learn more about science, some things just didn’t make sense anymore. I moved to L.A. and made friends with some devout Christians, so I would go to church with them a lot. It was very easy and lovely to believe in everything, and to know that I could go to heaven one day. However, I was in a car accident that left me in a coma for six weeks and with a traumatic brain injury. So many people ask me if I remember anything from the coma: did I see God, could I remember them talking to me, aren’t I so thankful that a higher power saved me? But the truth is: no, no-I don’t remember anything, and it sure didn’t feel like anyone or anything was helping me- especially once I woke up. I had to learn how to walk, write, talk quickly and keep my balance all over again. It was painful and the worst experience I've ever had in my whole life; that changed my life completely.

I feel like the human body is amazing though. The brain can heal itself and grow new connections and pathways. Is that God? It’s very easy to say that it was God or Allah or Buddha, whatever. I’m very conflicted myself. There are certain things that I feel no one can REALLY know, so does that make me an atheist? I don’t know. Maybe I have more in common with Bradstreet than I would have thought.